Panic

There are four things that send me into panic mode.

Like, real panic mode. Sick to my stomach, I'm going to puke, I'm shaking uncontrollably panic mode. Chances are, you probably don't know these things about me, so sit back and learn about Shiloh.

The first thing that will set in the panic is getting trapped in the middle of a long row. For example, a church pew, or a row of bleachers at a baseball/basketball/football game, or a row in a movie theatre, or the window seat on an airplane. The reason this causes me so much panic is not because I'm claustrophobic but because I fear I will have to go to the bathroom. And if I'm stuck in the middle, how can I possibly get out? And even if I could get out, how annoying is it for everyone else to have to stand up to let me through? And not just once, but twice! Whenever possible, I sit on the end.

The next thing that really gets me nervous is not having food around me. I think I was starved in my last life, so now I have to have food on me or near me at all times. Even a granola bar in my purse gives me enough reassurance that I'll be okay. This abnormality has brought about the "bag of fun" whenever I travel. This bag of fun is a lot of fun because it's full of goodies for the long trip ahead. Usually, I don't even eat any of it, and if I do, I eat a very small amount. But just knowing that food is available should I need it brings me comfort. I have a very hard time being out of my routine (including weekends) because I just don't know when I will get to eat next.

I think a lot of ladies can relate to my next thing: shopping for jeans. I sweat. I turn read. My heart rate goes up. Enough said.

Finally, I nearly throw up every time I have to call someone on the phone, especially people I don't know. It usually takes me 5-10 minutes to press the send button, and that's after preparing myself for the call. You know who I'm talking about: the hair dresser, the bank, the cable company, a parent of a student, a business call. Imagine how life was when I worked in sales (hence why I went back to school and eventually quit). I don't know why I am like this. You would think it would be easy to call someone because they can't see you and have no idea who you are, but nope. If I can, I will drive to a place and walk in to talk to a person face to face. Even more ideal is this thing called online shopping/appointment making/paying bills. If and when I can, I do everything online. Need a hair appointment? No problem, I'll do it online. Need to pay a bill? No problem, pay it online. Need to ask a question? More than likely, the answer can be found online. This panic has gotten worse over the years, and now Josh has become "Shiloh" when the time arises. Shiloh is a transgender name, right? Most people think my name is a boy's name anyway, so no one second guesses when Shiloh is a male voice. What would I do if my name was Rebecca or Sarah or Elizabeth? Josh makes the phone call for me when face to face or online won't cut it, and thanks to Josh/Shiloh, my cable bill is lower than it's ever been, and I have more channels that I've ever had. Thanks, Shiloh! This little problem of mine often causes me to procrastinate.

For example, over the summer, I had a crown done on my back tooth. I had a temporary crown for about two weeks, and the dentist called me to come in for my permanent crown. I went in to the dentist, and long story short, the dentist told me she thought I needed a root canal. She gave me the name and number of a root canal specialist and my homework was to make an appointment with him, get a root canal, and then call my regular dentist to get my temporary crown fixed (but she couldn't do it until I had a root canal). Well, every time I even thought about calling the root canal dentist, I started to panic, so I would set the thought aside and continue with my day. One week passed. Two weeks passed. Three weeks passed. Four weeks passed (all, by the way, while I still had a temporary crown in my mouth). After about four weeks, my dentist called to find out if I had my root canal. Nope. But the good news was I wasn't in pain anymore, so the dentist agreed to fix my crown. I didn't have to get a root canal after all, and I never even had to call to make an appointment. It paid off in the end! ;)

There you have it. Those four things make me want to puke. What makes you panic?