Monday, March 28, 2011
Why I Love My Hometown
It's no secret that I love Littleton, but Kearney will always hold a special place in my heart. Here are a few reasons why I love Kearney, NE. 1. Amigos-Soft taco hold lettuce, please! 2. Eileen's Cookies-Monster Cookies. 3. Cunningham's/The Loft-The girls and I have a ton of special memories from this college bar. 4. Hilltop Mall-Yes, it's true that Denver has some great shopping, but I spend more time in the Kearney mall than I ever have at any Denver mall. Maurice's and Herberger's are my top store choices. 5. I can get from one side of the town to the other in less than 10 minutes. And that's if I hit red lights. 6. Daylight Donuts-Filled Long John with nuts on top. 7. Skeeter Barnes-I didn't like BBQ until I worked at this place. 8. April's house-She always opens her door to me and allows it to become my house for the weekend. 9. Mom and dad's house-Talk of selling the place has been in the works, and I would certainly be sad to see the house be torn down. The yard brings back a lot of fond memories, and it's always comforting to spend a weekend at home. 10. The slower paced life. The day goes by a lot slower and people aren't in quite a rush. It's refreshing to slow down for a weekend.
Friday, March 25, 2011
The Good, The Bad, The Ugly
The Good:
*April and McGee are headed to my apartment as I type to spend the weekend with me!
*Josh will be here this afternoon to meet the friends and hang with us for the weekend.
*I am officially on spring break a day early! I took today off because: A) I've had the flu this week and needed a day to rest, B) April and McGee will be here around lunch time, and C) my apartment needs a little TLC before company can arrive.
*After the girls leave on Sunday, I'm going to spend a few days in Greeley with Josh.
*Then, I will spend the rest of my break in Wichita, Kansas, with ABBY! I will get to meet her little boy, Lawrence, and spend some much needed time with my dear friend.
*I spoke with my principal this week, and he said he is 90 percent certain that I will be able to retain my job for another year! I have been built a schedule, and I love it! I will teach sophomores and juniors again, which is what I requested, and I will teach periods 1, 2, 3, 4, off 5, teach 6, off 7. PERFECT! I will also be teaching my high risk kiddos again, which is a tough task but I love the challenge.
*Lacrosse is going well. We lost our first game to Ralston Valley. We tied our second game against Columbine, but we will have another chance to beat them in a few weeks. We won our third game against Ralston Valley! It was sweet revenge.
*Britt and I celebrated 5280 Week by eating at the Melting Pot this week. It was SO. GOOD. I haven't seen Britt in weeks, so it was a perfect two hours of catching up, drinking wine, and eating the best food ever!
The Bad:
*I started last week with Strep Throat. My throat was so swollen, red, pussy, and damaged that it brought tears to my eyes just to swollow.
*I have never called in sick for work, so I worked through the strep throat. I also worked through the flu. It's been a miserable week.
The Ugly:
*I had the flu this week. Believe me, it was ugly. Half of my family got it, too. Collin, Katie, and Case joined me in the horrible sickness.
*My poor bathroom took the brunt of my sickness. April told me not to clean my place for their arrival. I said, "Believe me, you want me to clean the bathroom."
*I haven't eaten in two days because of this said flu, so it could get ugly as I endeavor to put some food down.
*April and McGee are headed to my apartment as I type to spend the weekend with me!
*Josh will be here this afternoon to meet the friends and hang with us for the weekend.
*I am officially on spring break a day early! I took today off because: A) I've had the flu this week and needed a day to rest, B) April and McGee will be here around lunch time, and C) my apartment needs a little TLC before company can arrive.
*After the girls leave on Sunday, I'm going to spend a few days in Greeley with Josh.
*Then, I will spend the rest of my break in Wichita, Kansas, with ABBY! I will get to meet her little boy, Lawrence, and spend some much needed time with my dear friend.
*I spoke with my principal this week, and he said he is 90 percent certain that I will be able to retain my job for another year! I have been built a schedule, and I love it! I will teach sophomores and juniors again, which is what I requested, and I will teach periods 1, 2, 3, 4, off 5, teach 6, off 7. PERFECT! I will also be teaching my high risk kiddos again, which is a tough task but I love the challenge.
*Lacrosse is going well. We lost our first game to Ralston Valley. We tied our second game against Columbine, but we will have another chance to beat them in a few weeks. We won our third game against Ralston Valley! It was sweet revenge.
*Britt and I celebrated 5280 Week by eating at the Melting Pot this week. It was SO. GOOD. I haven't seen Britt in weeks, so it was a perfect two hours of catching up, drinking wine, and eating the best food ever!
The Bad:
*I started last week with Strep Throat. My throat was so swollen, red, pussy, and damaged that it brought tears to my eyes just to swollow.
*I have never called in sick for work, so I worked through the strep throat. I also worked through the flu. It's been a miserable week.
The Ugly:
*I had the flu this week. Believe me, it was ugly. Half of my family got it, too. Collin, Katie, and Case joined me in the horrible sickness.
*My poor bathroom took the brunt of my sickness. April told me not to clean my place for their arrival. I said, "Believe me, you want me to clean the bathroom."
*I haven't eaten in two days because of this said flu, so it could get ugly as I endeavor to put some food down.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
I Don't Wanna Grow Up
Why it sometimes sucks to be a grownup:
1. My tax refund went to buying new tires.
2. I have to go to bed at 9 p.m. because I wake up at 5 a.m.
3. Only eating one piece of pizza while my 16-year-old Lacrosse girls put down four pieces each because they have a higher metabolism.
4. After playing tennis and basketball with my boyfriend, I am achy and sore all over from my slight running and swinging.
5. Eating dinner at 4 p.m. because I'm hungry. And bedtime is near.
6. My memory is failing.
7. My body automatically wakes up at 7 a.m. on the weekends even when I could sleep in.
8. I cry over anything.
9. Constant back pain.
10. Wrinkles. Yes, I have them.
1. My tax refund went to buying new tires.
2. I have to go to bed at 9 p.m. because I wake up at 5 a.m.
3. Only eating one piece of pizza while my 16-year-old Lacrosse girls put down four pieces each because they have a higher metabolism.
4. After playing tennis and basketball with my boyfriend, I am achy and sore all over from my slight running and swinging.
5. Eating dinner at 4 p.m. because I'm hungry. And bedtime is near.
6. My memory is failing.
7. My body automatically wakes up at 7 a.m. on the weekends even when I could sleep in.
8. I cry over anything.
9. Constant back pain.
10. Wrinkles. Yes, I have them.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Three Problems Averted
Well, I made it through two weeks of CSAP. I explained here how important CSAP is to me as a teacher. It's hard to explain how heavily guarded these tests are. If the schools could hire an officer to guard the tests, they would. It's like we've been on a top secret mission these past two weeks, and I gotta tell you, I'm exhausted. The rules that accompany CSAP are strict, extensive, and somewhat ridiculous. The only thing the students (and teachers) can do in the room is breathe and take the test. Once the test is done, they can only breathe. Or read. That's it.
They can't talk.
They can't write.
They can't drink.
They can't eat.
They can't listen to music.
They can't have their cell phone.
They can't blink.
That's how crazy it is. It's been quite the task to keep my kids under control. I proctored my high risk class, who on a day to day basis test my patience as it is. Without getting into it, these 20 kids are my hardest, most exhausting class. I adore them, but by the end of their class period, I sometimes wonder what I got myself into. So to keep them quiet and busy for two weeks (without even being able to whisper) was a physically and mentally challenging task.
The two weeks of CSAP did not go without a hitch. In fact, I had three major (almost) disasters, and at three different times, I thought I was going to have a heart attack.
Day one: As the students filed in the room, we collected cell phones at the door. They are required to put their phones in a bag, and then the bags must be locked in the Principal's office. They are not allowed to have access to their cell phone during the CSAP testing hours. Of course, the kids moan and groan about this, but they eventually gave their cell phones away for three hours (a day). Even the teachers have to put their phones in the bag. A cell phone going off during a test is perhaps one of the worst things that can happen during CSAP. One call phone can misadminister an entire room. A misadministration means that the student gets a 0, which reflects poorly on the teacher. If an entire room gets a misadministration, it's devastating to the teacher. So with all that said, a cell phone rang during the test. My heart stopped. I threw up a little in my mouth. The entire room froze. The kids know what this means, and they were not happy. Long story short, because I quickly grabbed the phone and ran it to the office (and no one answered it), the room was not misadministered.
Day five: One of my naughtiest students came into the room quite mellow, which is highly out of character. I knew right away something was wrong. He admitted he had woke up with a migraine and felt like throwing up but had come anyway so he could take his test. The rules for CSAP state: "If a child throws up in a room, the test must continue. A janitor cannot come into the room to clean up the mess until the entire test time is over." The counselors even joked, "If a child is going to throw up, make sure he/she misses the CSAP test book. Save the book. Then save the child. And pray he/she doesn't do it in the room because you'll have to smell it for the rest of the test." So when Andre told me he was feeling sick, I made sure to put a trashcan by him. Sure enough, about 5 minutes into the test, he went running out of the room. Ten minutes later, he came out of the bathroom with tears coming out of his eyes. He had thrown up but insisted he continue with the test. Five minutes after that, he ran out of the room again gagging. He made it to the bathroom for a second time, but after that, I took him to the nurse. Crisis averted.
Day 6: As I was collecting the test booklets after the final test, I realized with a sickening feeling that two books had been mixed up. Carolina had taken Amanda's test. Amanda had taken Carolina's test. Major mistake! Long story short, another teacher had to transcribe both of their tests into a new test booklet. Of course, it was the writing portion, too. This transcriber had to hand write all their answers into a new book. Originally, Jessica (my co-proctor) and I were going to have to do this, but lucky for us, someone else took care of the problem. Again, we thought we had two misadminstrations, but they were able to save both books by transcribing. Phew!
So yeah, I'm glad CSAP is over. It was a long two weeks, and I'm so very happy to be back in the swing of teaching again.
They can't talk.
They can't write.
They can't drink.
They can't eat.
They can't listen to music.
They can't have their cell phone.
They can't blink.
That's how crazy it is. It's been quite the task to keep my kids under control. I proctored my high risk class, who on a day to day basis test my patience as it is. Without getting into it, these 20 kids are my hardest, most exhausting class. I adore them, but by the end of their class period, I sometimes wonder what I got myself into. So to keep them quiet and busy for two weeks (without even being able to whisper) was a physically and mentally challenging task.
The two weeks of CSAP did not go without a hitch. In fact, I had three major (almost) disasters, and at three different times, I thought I was going to have a heart attack.
Day one: As the students filed in the room, we collected cell phones at the door. They are required to put their phones in a bag, and then the bags must be locked in the Principal's office. They are not allowed to have access to their cell phone during the CSAP testing hours. Of course, the kids moan and groan about this, but they eventually gave their cell phones away for three hours (a day). Even the teachers have to put their phones in the bag. A cell phone going off during a test is perhaps one of the worst things that can happen during CSAP. One call phone can misadminister an entire room. A misadministration means that the student gets a 0, which reflects poorly on the teacher. If an entire room gets a misadministration, it's devastating to the teacher. So with all that said, a cell phone rang during the test. My heart stopped. I threw up a little in my mouth. The entire room froze. The kids know what this means, and they were not happy. Long story short, because I quickly grabbed the phone and ran it to the office (and no one answered it), the room was not misadministered.
Day five: One of my naughtiest students came into the room quite mellow, which is highly out of character. I knew right away something was wrong. He admitted he had woke up with a migraine and felt like throwing up but had come anyway so he could take his test. The rules for CSAP state: "If a child throws up in a room, the test must continue. A janitor cannot come into the room to clean up the mess until the entire test time is over." The counselors even joked, "If a child is going to throw up, make sure he/she misses the CSAP test book. Save the book. Then save the child. And pray he/she doesn't do it in the room because you'll have to smell it for the rest of the test." So when Andre told me he was feeling sick, I made sure to put a trashcan by him. Sure enough, about 5 minutes into the test, he went running out of the room. Ten minutes later, he came out of the bathroom with tears coming out of his eyes. He had thrown up but insisted he continue with the test. Five minutes after that, he ran out of the room again gagging. He made it to the bathroom for a second time, but after that, I took him to the nurse. Crisis averted.
Day 6: As I was collecting the test booklets after the final test, I realized with a sickening feeling that two books had been mixed up. Carolina had taken Amanda's test. Amanda had taken Carolina's test. Major mistake! Long story short, another teacher had to transcribe both of their tests into a new test booklet. Of course, it was the writing portion, too. This transcriber had to hand write all their answers into a new book. Originally, Jessica (my co-proctor) and I were going to have to do this, but lucky for us, someone else took care of the problem. Again, we thought we had two misadminstrations, but they were able to save both books by transcribing. Phew!
So yeah, I'm glad CSAP is over. It was a long two weeks, and I'm so very happy to be back in the swing of teaching again.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Swinging for the Head
I live alone. I have never felt threatened or in danger. My grandma once asked me that question. "Don't you ever feel scared living alone." Without hesitation, I said no.
My security stems from multiple precautions.
1. My apartment complex is well lit.
2. I park right outside my stairway and rarely have to walk through the parking lot.
3. I keep my cell phone in my hand at all times.
4. There is a locked door into my hallway that can only be accessed with a key.
5. I keep my door locked at all times.
6. I live on the third floor.
7. I have three neighbors, and while I've never "met" them, I know what they look like and their comings and goings.
Not once has it ever crossed my mind to be scared or to have a weapon in my place for self-defense.
Until last week.
There was a lurker in my stairway. As I got out of my car, I could see a man walking up the stairs. I had never seen this man, so I figured he was going to floor two. But he passed floor two and continued on to floor three. I was talking to Josh as I got out of my car, so I whispered to him that there was a strange man going up the stairs. He said he would stay on the phone with me as I walked up. At the top of floor three, the guy was there holding the door open for me (he must have heard me coming). I quickly walked past him, got into my apartment, and locked the door.
The next evening, this same guy was coming out of floor three. He was walking down as I was walking up. We passed each other, I said hello and quickly continued on my way.
I have since decided that he must have moved in. I never saw anyone move out, but I think that one girl moved out and he moved in. Which would explain why he has access to the third floor.
I told Josh about the second incident, and a few days later he found me a weapon to keep under my bed. I laughed at him and told him he was being silly. I didn't need a weapon. I was fine. He insisted, however, that I needed it.
"Tell me what you would do if someone broke into your place?"
"Well, I'd call 911."
"And then what would you do while you waited for the police to arrive?"
"I'd run to a neighbors house."
"And if he was blocking the door?"
"I'd yell really loud."
"That's all fine and dandy, but you need something to protect yourself."
He hid a club under my bed. I told him again how crazy he was being but relented soon enough. I guess it's not a bad idea to have some type of protection.
I kind of forgot about it until this morning. While listening to Alice 105.9, they did a phone segment where people were calling in talking about what they have hidden for protection. I quickly realized that most people (at least women) have some form of protection in their house. Most of the women who called in had either 1). a gun, 2). a taser, or 3). a baseball bat. I realized that I was out of the norm for NOT having a weapon hidden away.
Don't get me wrong, if someone broke into my place while I was there, I'd probably freeze and start crying. However, at least now I know I have some form of self defense to try to protect myself. You can rest assured, I'll be swinging for the head!
My security stems from multiple precautions.
1. My apartment complex is well lit.
2. I park right outside my stairway and rarely have to walk through the parking lot.
3. I keep my cell phone in my hand at all times.
4. There is a locked door into my hallway that can only be accessed with a key.
5. I keep my door locked at all times.
6. I live on the third floor.
7. I have three neighbors, and while I've never "met" them, I know what they look like and their comings and goings.
Not once has it ever crossed my mind to be scared or to have a weapon in my place for self-defense.
Until last week.
There was a lurker in my stairway. As I got out of my car, I could see a man walking up the stairs. I had never seen this man, so I figured he was going to floor two. But he passed floor two and continued on to floor three. I was talking to Josh as I got out of my car, so I whispered to him that there was a strange man going up the stairs. He said he would stay on the phone with me as I walked up. At the top of floor three, the guy was there holding the door open for me (he must have heard me coming). I quickly walked past him, got into my apartment, and locked the door.
The next evening, this same guy was coming out of floor three. He was walking down as I was walking up. We passed each other, I said hello and quickly continued on my way.
I have since decided that he must have moved in. I never saw anyone move out, but I think that one girl moved out and he moved in. Which would explain why he has access to the third floor.
I told Josh about the second incident, and a few days later he found me a weapon to keep under my bed. I laughed at him and told him he was being silly. I didn't need a weapon. I was fine. He insisted, however, that I needed it.
"Tell me what you would do if someone broke into your place?"
"Well, I'd call 911."
"And then what would you do while you waited for the police to arrive?"
"I'd run to a neighbors house."
"And if he was blocking the door?"
"I'd yell really loud."
"That's all fine and dandy, but you need something to protect yourself."
He hid a club under my bed. I told him again how crazy he was being but relented soon enough. I guess it's not a bad idea to have some type of protection.
I kind of forgot about it until this morning. While listening to Alice 105.9, they did a phone segment where people were calling in talking about what they have hidden for protection. I quickly realized that most people (at least women) have some form of protection in their house. Most of the women who called in had either 1). a gun, 2). a taser, or 3). a baseball bat. I realized that I was out of the norm for NOT having a weapon hidden away.
Don't get me wrong, if someone broke into my place while I was there, I'd probably freeze and start crying. However, at least now I know I have some form of self defense to try to protect myself. You can rest assured, I'll be swinging for the head!
Monday, March 7, 2011
About Spilled Cheese
I never used to be very emotional. I could hold myself together quite well, and it took a lot for me to tear up. Now, as I get older, I cry at the simplest things. Silly TV shows make me cry. For example, I was watching a show with Josh the other day called Alaska Gold Rush. It's about a group of men who have given up everything to find gold in Alaska. At the end of the episode, it ended with them only finding $12 worth of gold when they were expecting to find thousands of dollars of gold. One of the men was crying as he talked about everything he had lost along the way. As I was sitting there watching, I teared up and had to walk away so Josh wouldn't see me crying.
So it didn't surprise me yesterday when I lost it. And it was over cheese. I'm a nut case!
Josh was at my place doing homework. I also had some school work to do, so we sat quietly for about an hour doing homework. I finished before he did, so I decided to clean the kitchen. My OCD was screaming in my head, so I needed to quiet the voices. I spent about 40 minutes deep cleaning my kitchen, and when I was done, the voices quieted and I knew I would be able to enjoy my day without thinking about my kitchen.
By then it was lunch time, so Josh entered my kitchen.
Before I continue my story, let me explain that for as extreme OCD I am, Josh is the extreme the other way. It's one of the things that drives me crazy about him. He's sloppy. He's messy. He doesn't like to use plates, so he eats off his hands. When he prepares food, he doesn't wipe off the counter and leaves crumbs trailing behind him. I am constantly following behind him picking up this mess. He knows it drives me crazy, but it's one of those things he thinks is funny so he continues to do it.
So when Josh entered my kitchen (my clean kitchen), I followed behind to make sure he didn't destroy my cleanliness. I helped him get a plate. I gave him a container to heat up his meat. When he put it in the microwave without a lid, I stopped the microwave and put a lid on it so it wouldn't splatter the insides. I got out the cheese for him.
He finally asked, "Why are you in the kitchen?" I replied, "To help you get lunch." He said, "Is that why you're really in here?" I honestly answered, "Well, I'm in here making sure you're not making a mess." He laughed, "Oh, I see. Now the truth comes out. You're not here to help me. You're here to monitor me. It would be a shame to "accidentally" spill some cheese." And he "accidentally" dropped some cheese on the counter. "Oops."
I lost it. With tears in my eyes, I ran into my bedroom. He followed me to check on me. He saw I was crying. Like the good boyfriend that he is, he asked why I was so upset. Sobbing, I said, "You threw cheese on my counter after I just spent 40 minutes cleaning."
He just started laughing and laughing. I replayed my words in my head, and I started laughing through my tears. Yes, I could hear how ridiculous it sounded. I was upset about cheese.
He said, "Baby, you're upset about cheese?" Laughing.
"Yes." Sobbing. Laughing. Sniffle. Wipe.
"I'm sorry for spilling the cheese. I didn't realize it would make you so upset." More laughing.
"I just deep cleaned that kitchen, and then you purposely made a mess. I know it's silly, but you upset me." Tears. Giggles. Wipe. Sniffle. Giggles.
"I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry. Are you OK?" Laughing.
"I'm fine. But go clean up the cheese." Laughing.
He cleaned up the kitchen to near perfect condition after he was all done, and we had a good laugh about it later that day.
Yes, I know. I'm crazy. I cried over spilled cheese. At least it wasn't over spilled milk!
So it didn't surprise me yesterday when I lost it. And it was over cheese. I'm a nut case!
Josh was at my place doing homework. I also had some school work to do, so we sat quietly for about an hour doing homework. I finished before he did, so I decided to clean the kitchen. My OCD was screaming in my head, so I needed to quiet the voices. I spent about 40 minutes deep cleaning my kitchen, and when I was done, the voices quieted and I knew I would be able to enjoy my day without thinking about my kitchen.
By then it was lunch time, so Josh entered my kitchen.
Before I continue my story, let me explain that for as extreme OCD I am, Josh is the extreme the other way. It's one of the things that drives me crazy about him. He's sloppy. He's messy. He doesn't like to use plates, so he eats off his hands. When he prepares food, he doesn't wipe off the counter and leaves crumbs trailing behind him. I am constantly following behind him picking up this mess. He knows it drives me crazy, but it's one of those things he thinks is funny so he continues to do it.
So when Josh entered my kitchen (my clean kitchen), I followed behind to make sure he didn't destroy my cleanliness. I helped him get a plate. I gave him a container to heat up his meat. When he put it in the microwave without a lid, I stopped the microwave and put a lid on it so it wouldn't splatter the insides. I got out the cheese for him.
He finally asked, "Why are you in the kitchen?" I replied, "To help you get lunch." He said, "Is that why you're really in here?" I honestly answered, "Well, I'm in here making sure you're not making a mess." He laughed, "Oh, I see. Now the truth comes out. You're not here to help me. You're here to monitor me. It would be a shame to "accidentally" spill some cheese." And he "accidentally" dropped some cheese on the counter. "Oops."
I lost it. With tears in my eyes, I ran into my bedroom. He followed me to check on me. He saw I was crying. Like the good boyfriend that he is, he asked why I was so upset. Sobbing, I said, "You threw cheese on my counter after I just spent 40 minutes cleaning."
He just started laughing and laughing. I replayed my words in my head, and I started laughing through my tears. Yes, I could hear how ridiculous it sounded. I was upset about cheese.
He said, "Baby, you're upset about cheese?" Laughing.
"Yes." Sobbing. Laughing. Sniffle. Wipe.
"I'm sorry for spilling the cheese. I didn't realize it would make you so upset." More laughing.
"I just deep cleaned that kitchen, and then you purposely made a mess. I know it's silly, but you upset me." Tears. Giggles. Wipe. Sniffle. Giggles.
"I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry. Are you OK?" Laughing.
"I'm fine. But go clean up the cheese." Laughing.
He cleaned up the kitchen to near perfect condition after he was all done, and we had a good laugh about it later that day.
Yes, I know. I'm crazy. I cried over spilled cheese. At least it wasn't over spilled milk!
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Terminated....Again
Oh, and on a happier note (insert sarcasm here), I got my termination letter from Jeffco this morning. What a great start the day!
"I hope that your teaching experiences with the Jefferson County School District have been fulfilling, and I wish to thank you for devoting your professional energies to our students. Your temporary assignment will end at the conclusion of this school year. As required by state law, the Board of Education will take official action in May ending your employment. Although your employment as a temporary teacher will conclude at the close of this school year, you may apply for positions once they are posted this hiring season."
I knew it was coming. It's still a hard pill to swallow, though.
"I hope that your teaching experiences with the Jefferson County School District have been fulfilling, and I wish to thank you for devoting your professional energies to our students. Your temporary assignment will end at the conclusion of this school year. As required by state law, the Board of Education will take official action in May ending your employment. Although your employment as a temporary teacher will conclude at the close of this school year, you may apply for positions once they are posted this hiring season."
I knew it was coming. It's still a hard pill to swallow, though.
A Sad Story
K. Brown has had a rough path in life despite the brevity of it. Her parents divorced when she was in middle school. To cope with the hurt, she started sleeping with boys. She became pregnant in 7th grade but lost the baby shortly thereafter. Rumor around school has it she purposely fell down the stairs in order to abort the baby.
In 8th grade, she became pregnant again. This time the baby survived, and at the young age of 13, she gave birth to a little baby girl. Shortly after that, she learned that her little brother had leukemia. Her mom got a boyfriend, who moved into the house. K. Brown and this new guy did not get along, so K. Brown started moving from house to house to house. She brought her daughter along with her.
In 9th grade, the rumors flowed through school about K. Brown.
"Did you hear she's sleeping with T?"
"That's the girl with a baby."
"Her brother is dying."
"Her mom is a tramp."
"She's virtually homeless."
"She doesn't even know who the daddy is."
K. Brown didn't let that stop her. She put on a brave smile and walked through the halls as whispers swam around her. Her grades dropped as she juggled being a mother and a 14 year-old high school student.
I met K. Brown at the start of her 10th grade year. I was privilege to meet this gorgeous lady and become her English teacher. When I say gorgeous, I mean that in every sense of the word. She is the prettiest girl I have ever taught. She has a grace about her that puts her light years in front of her peers, but she has a sadness in her eyes that brought me to tears just looking at her. Her pain was evident to those who cared to see it.
We became fast friends, quickly exchanging phone numbers, becoming FB friends, and making plans to hang out during the weekends. These things are off-limits for teachers, and I understood the risks, but K. Brown became like a daughter to me. I tucked her under my wing and became her go-to teacher. While he mom was passed on the sofa from too much booze, K. Brown knew she could call me when she needed a mother figure.
In the middle of her 10th grade year, her brother's cancer started to win. At this point, K. Brown was failing all of her classes. Her little girl was almost two, her mom was a raging alcoholic, and her mom's boyfriend was yelling at her every chance he got. K. Brown was also working a job in order to pay for daycare for her little girl.
K. Brown's brother died over Christmas break of her 10th grade year. K. Brown didn't know her brother was THAT sick because her mother tried to keep that news from her. His death rocked K. Brown's world. Not only did she lose the love of her life, but she never even saw it coming.
Her life as she knew it was over. She never did recover from his death. I lost K. Brown the day her brother died. She never has been the same, and it broke my heart. She stopped coming to class. She stopped texting me. She stopped FBing me. She lost the smile on her face. She lost all hope in her eyes.
Her 11th grade year (this year), she walked as a zombie through the halls. I was excited to see her on my first hour roster again, and I hoped I would be able to help her. She came into this year with only four credits on her transcript (it takes 22 to graduate), so I spoke with her about a plan for graduation. She said she wanted to graduate and was going to do everything in her power to do it. Her attendance started out okay, but I never did see her smile. She wouldn't talk about her brother, although she did mention that her brother had died a year ago but it still felt like it was yesterday.
About three weeks ago, she stopped coming to class altogether. I knew then I had lost her completely. She stopped by my room randomly two weeks ago with her little girl. She wanted me to meet K. Brown junior. What a gorgeous little girl she is! She looks just like K. Brown but with curly blond hair. I asked K. Brown how she was doing, and with tears in her eyes she said her mother was as good as dead. She drank all day to take away the pain of losing her son, and K. Brown was being a mother to her daughter as well as her mother. She said the pain of losing her brother was smothering her and she felt like she couldn't breathe. She said she could barely get out of bed most days. I hugged her, but her hug back was limp. I asked her what I could do to help. She said, "There's nothing you or anyone can do to take away the pain." She walked away holding her daughter's hand. I cried as they walked down the hallway.
Yesterday, K. Brown dropped out of high school. With tears in my eyes, I signed her drop out form that a student aid brought to me. I didn't even get to say goodbye to K. Brown. The last time I saw her, she was void of all hope, happiness and peace.
So like I said, K. Brown has had a rough path in life despite the brevity of it.
In 8th grade, she became pregnant again. This time the baby survived, and at the young age of 13, she gave birth to a little baby girl. Shortly after that, she learned that her little brother had leukemia. Her mom got a boyfriend, who moved into the house. K. Brown and this new guy did not get along, so K. Brown started moving from house to house to house. She brought her daughter along with her.
In 9th grade, the rumors flowed through school about K. Brown.
"Did you hear she's sleeping with T?"
"That's the girl with a baby."
"Her brother is dying."
"Her mom is a tramp."
"She's virtually homeless."
"She doesn't even know who the daddy is."
K. Brown didn't let that stop her. She put on a brave smile and walked through the halls as whispers swam around her. Her grades dropped as she juggled being a mother and a 14 year-old high school student.
I met K. Brown at the start of her 10th grade year. I was privilege to meet this gorgeous lady and become her English teacher. When I say gorgeous, I mean that in every sense of the word. She is the prettiest girl I have ever taught. She has a grace about her that puts her light years in front of her peers, but she has a sadness in her eyes that brought me to tears just looking at her. Her pain was evident to those who cared to see it.
We became fast friends, quickly exchanging phone numbers, becoming FB friends, and making plans to hang out during the weekends. These things are off-limits for teachers, and I understood the risks, but K. Brown became like a daughter to me. I tucked her under my wing and became her go-to teacher. While he mom was passed on the sofa from too much booze, K. Brown knew she could call me when she needed a mother figure.
In the middle of her 10th grade year, her brother's cancer started to win. At this point, K. Brown was failing all of her classes. Her little girl was almost two, her mom was a raging alcoholic, and her mom's boyfriend was yelling at her every chance he got. K. Brown was also working a job in order to pay for daycare for her little girl.
K. Brown's brother died over Christmas break of her 10th grade year. K. Brown didn't know her brother was THAT sick because her mother tried to keep that news from her. His death rocked K. Brown's world. Not only did she lose the love of her life, but she never even saw it coming.
Her life as she knew it was over. She never did recover from his death. I lost K. Brown the day her brother died. She never has been the same, and it broke my heart. She stopped coming to class. She stopped texting me. She stopped FBing me. She lost the smile on her face. She lost all hope in her eyes.
Her 11th grade year (this year), she walked as a zombie through the halls. I was excited to see her on my first hour roster again, and I hoped I would be able to help her. She came into this year with only four credits on her transcript (it takes 22 to graduate), so I spoke with her about a plan for graduation. She said she wanted to graduate and was going to do everything in her power to do it. Her attendance started out okay, but I never did see her smile. She wouldn't talk about her brother, although she did mention that her brother had died a year ago but it still felt like it was yesterday.
About three weeks ago, she stopped coming to class altogether. I knew then I had lost her completely. She stopped by my room randomly two weeks ago with her little girl. She wanted me to meet K. Brown junior. What a gorgeous little girl she is! She looks just like K. Brown but with curly blond hair. I asked K. Brown how she was doing, and with tears in her eyes she said her mother was as good as dead. She drank all day to take away the pain of losing her son, and K. Brown was being a mother to her daughter as well as her mother. She said the pain of losing her brother was smothering her and she felt like she couldn't breathe. She said she could barely get out of bed most days. I hugged her, but her hug back was limp. I asked her what I could do to help. She said, "There's nothing you or anyone can do to take away the pain." She walked away holding her daughter's hand. I cried as they walked down the hallway.
Yesterday, K. Brown dropped out of high school. With tears in my eyes, I signed her drop out form that a student aid brought to me. I didn't even get to say goodbye to K. Brown. The last time I saw her, she was void of all hope, happiness and peace.
So like I said, K. Brown has had a rough path in life despite the brevity of it.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
CSAP
This week and next is CSAP testing. It's a lovely test designed by the State of Colorado (Colorado State Assessment Program) that costs millions and millions of dollars to administer each year. While education budgets are being rapidly reduced and cut, they still make sure to spend mega dollars on this test.
And what does it do for the student? Nothing.
What does it do for the teacher? Well, potentially my job will depend on this test.
So what does it mean when it means nothing to the students but everything for my job? I think you can figure out that answer on your own.
We teachers don't get the results of this test until next year. Next year, I won't have these same students. Next year, the results don't really mean anything to me. Next year, I will give this same test to a new group of kids who don't care about this test. They will spend 10 minutes on a 60 minute test writing "F*%! CSAP" in their books rather than a well developed essay.
And since we're not allowed to speak to the students during the test, there's nothing I can do about their F*%! CSAP. I can't look in their book. I can't open their book. I can't erase their book. I can't even scold them for their poor effort.
You want to know what I think about CSAP?
F*%! CSAP!!!
And what does it do for the student? Nothing.
What does it do for the teacher? Well, potentially my job will depend on this test.
So what does it mean when it means nothing to the students but everything for my job? I think you can figure out that answer on your own.
We teachers don't get the results of this test until next year. Next year, I won't have these same students. Next year, the results don't really mean anything to me. Next year, I will give this same test to a new group of kids who don't care about this test. They will spend 10 minutes on a 60 minute test writing "F*%! CSAP" in their books rather than a well developed essay.
And since we're not allowed to speak to the students during the test, there's nothing I can do about their F*%! CSAP. I can't look in their book. I can't open their book. I can't erase their book. I can't even scold them for their poor effort.
You want to know what I think about CSAP?
F*%! CSAP!!!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Ten Guilty Pleasures
1. A hot bubble bath every night before bed (only during the winter). It warms me up, relaxes me, and helps me unwind from my busy day.
2. A cup of coffee every morning on my drive to work. I add two tablespoons of sugar free vanilla creamer and two Splenda's. Delish!
3. My blog. I get to talk about myself while sharing my day and thoughts with you. Selfishly, I like to think that you're entertained by my blog. I also hope one day it could be turned into a book.
4. Mud Pie Mojo from Cold Stone. Coffee ice cream mixed with Peanut Butter, almonds, oreo cookies, and chocolate fudge.
5. My Tivo. I don't often get to watch TV, but my Tivo allows me to record my favorite TV shows and watch at my own leisure. Survivor, The Bachelor, Castle, Modern Family, The Middle, Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, 20/20, Glee, The Office, and Keeping Up With the Kardashians.
6. My Zac Brown CDs. Just hearing his voice makes me melt. Sigh.
7. Popcorn with Hot Tamales (candy) thrown in for an extra kick. Movie theatre popcorn is the best!
8. Shirley Temple with Vodka (Dirty Shirley). Tastes just like a Shirley Temple I used to drink when I was young but with an extra zing.
9. Sleeping until I naturally wake up rather than the alarm clock buzzing in my face. I rarely get to sleep in like this, and my body naturally wakes up around 7 a.m. anyway. But just knowing my alarm isn't going to interupt my sleep makes me very happy.
10. Grande Soy extra hot Chai from Starbucks.
2. A cup of coffee every morning on my drive to work. I add two tablespoons of sugar free vanilla creamer and two Splenda's. Delish!
3. My blog. I get to talk about myself while sharing my day and thoughts with you. Selfishly, I like to think that you're entertained by my blog. I also hope one day it could be turned into a book.
4. Mud Pie Mojo from Cold Stone. Coffee ice cream mixed with Peanut Butter, almonds, oreo cookies, and chocolate fudge.
5. My Tivo. I don't often get to watch TV, but my Tivo allows me to record my favorite TV shows and watch at my own leisure. Survivor, The Bachelor, Castle, Modern Family, The Middle, Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, 20/20, Glee, The Office, and Keeping Up With the Kardashians.
6. My Zac Brown CDs. Just hearing his voice makes me melt. Sigh.
7. Popcorn with Hot Tamales (candy) thrown in for an extra kick. Movie theatre popcorn is the best!
8. Shirley Temple with Vodka (Dirty Shirley). Tastes just like a Shirley Temple I used to drink when I was young but with an extra zing.
9. Sleeping until I naturally wake up rather than the alarm clock buzzing in my face. I rarely get to sleep in like this, and my body naturally wakes up around 7 a.m. anyway. But just knowing my alarm isn't going to interupt my sleep makes me very happy.
10. Grande Soy extra hot Chai from Starbucks.
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