Six Year Anniversary

Six years ago today/tomorrow, I moved to Denver. I moved on February 29, 2004, and let me tell you, if I believed in signs, I probably would have turned around and gone back to Kearney on that day.

I had just graduated from UNK two months before moving here, and I was working at Pane Bello as a manager. I had a Journalism degree in my pocket, but I wasn't doing what I wanted to do. Rather than writing and being creative, I was managing about 20 teenagers in a restaurant. I tried to use my creativity/advertising skills within the company. It was a brand new restaurant, so I went to the owner and presented some logos and some ideas to help them get the word out the community. He shut them all down.

Out of the blue, my brother called me one day to tell me about a job opportunity in Denver to work for a magazine. As he told me the job description, I became so excited I could hardly contain my joy. Collin already lived in Denver and worked at a photography studio. The owner of the studio wanted to start a magazine for teenagers, but she needed a writer/editor/manager to help get the idea started. Collin told her I had just graduated with my Journalism degree, and she told him to call me.

I immediately set up an interview for the end of January. I arrived in Denver, dressed for my interview, and arrived with a racing heart. This could be my big break to get into the Journalism world. She must have liked me because she hired me on the spot. I accepted it on the spot. I drove back to Kearney, told my boss I was moving to Denver, and I was left with three weeks to pack up my entire world and head to my new home. It was an emotional time leaving Kearney. I had only been there a little over a year since coming back from Oregon, but in that time, I had become steadfast friends with April, Michelle, Irish and Katie. We did most everything together, and because I was the oldest one in the group, I was the first one to leave. They threw me a going away party, which was one of the best nights of my life.

On the day I left for Denver, it was already snowing in Kearney. The closer I got to CO, the weather kept getting worse and worse. If you've ever driven through western NE/eastern CO, you are well aware that there is NOTHING out there. Imagine driving through a blizzard. It was by far the worst drive of my life. I was all alone, my car was packed full of a chunk of my belongings, and I was headed into unknown territory. Car after car ended up in the ditch ahead of me. I could not see more than four feet ahead of my car. Cars were spinning out in front of me. It was horrible. I was so stressed, my knuckles were white on the wheel. I was calling my mom every 10 minutes just so she knew I was still alive and on the road. What should have been a five hours drive took me almost nine hours. I finally made it to Fort Morgan, and my mom and I decided that was the end of my trip for the day. It was too dangerous to continue.

That must have been the thought of every other driver out there because every single hotel was booked full. I had no where to stay! I had no other choice than to carry on with my trip. The ramp to get back onto the interstate was so icy that I couldn't even make it up. I got about half way up before my wheels were spinning, so I had to reverse down the ramp and head back to the hotel to get directions. They told me of another way to get onto the interstate, so I followed that road and made it back onto I76. About 30 miles west of Fort Morgan, the roads slowly began to get better, and by the time I reached Denver, there wasn't a speck of snow in sight.

Needless to say, it was the worst drive of my life, but I arrived in Denver and have loved it ever since. A lot has happened in six years, and I wouldn't change any of it. In that time, I have had three nephews and one niece born, Collin and Katie have been married for over six years, Shan and Jeff got married, I've lived in four different places, I've had three jobs, and so much more. My move to Denver has been life changing. I remain good friends with my Kearney girls, and they come to visit when they can.

All in all, moving to Denver has been the best move of my life. Granted, my dream job at the magazine only lasted six months (I'll save that story for another blog). However, that job got me here, and I wouldn't want to live anywhere else.

Too Close to Home

I moved to Littleton, CO, six years ago this month (February 29, 2004). I can't believe how time flies. I have often had a sense of pride to live in Littleton because of what happend on April 20, 1999, even though I was still in high school in NE. It was an honor to student teach at Columbine High School and meet people who had been there on the day of that terrible shooting incident. Recently when April visited, we went to the memorial at Clement Park, and we spent a good chunk of time walking around and remembering those students and teachers who were killed. In a way, I have become obsessed with the Columbine incident, and I have done my share of research and reading on the subject. Even before moving to Littleton, I did quite a bit of research on school shootings in general. There was a shooting in Eugene, OR, so when I lived there during my junior year of college, I actually interviewed a student who was at the school when that happened. I wrote a big article on his experience, and I have newspaper clippings from school shootings all across the U.S.

Now that I am a teacher, those incidences that I have read about, researched and obsessed over often come into my mind. It's not something I am fearful of, and I do not walk into my school with a daily fear, but it's also something that is not far from my thoughts. I personally work with 140 students per day, and there are over 2,000 students that walk into this school on a daily basis. The possibility of a school shooting happening could happen at my school.

Yesterday, a school shooting did happen at our feeder middle school. The school is less than two miles away from Chatfield, and most of my freshmen come from Deer Creek Middle School. I was actually supposed to be at Dear Creek yesterday afternoon, which makes me a little freaked out. I'm coaching girls' Lacrosse, and most of our games are at Deer Creek, and our practices after school are at Deer Creek. The final bell at Chatfield rings at 2:30, and our practices begin at 2:45. Had it not been for the snow on the ground, I would have been at Deer Creek at 2:45, along with 50 girls on the team. The shooting took place at 3:15, so I would have been there and possibly seen it happen.

It's a scary thought. I could have have/should have been at that school yesterday when an insane 32 year old man walked into that school and opened fire. It makes me angry that a man would do/could do such a thing. Innocent children were at risk of being killed. You have no idea how furious I am at the thought. While the two students who were shot are going to be OK, and the man has been arrested, I just can't comprehend what would make a person do that.

School at Chatfield was almost cancelled today, but our principal decided it would be the wisest thing to keep things are normal as possible. Many of students have siblings who attend Deer Creek, and many of my students were walking by the school on their way home.

It's just a little too close to home. And there's nothing I can do about it.

Love Connection

The Shi-Low Down

I told you about the Bitter Ball last week, so I wanted to update you. Yes, there's an update! To refresh your memory, Britt and I met two guys there. Britt and Mr. Teacher hit it off, and he asked for her phone number.She gladly gave it to him. Mr. Engineer took a liking to me and asked for my phone number. I gave it to him, and then as he went in for a hug, I high-fived him. I wasn't feeling it with him. He was a nice enough guy, but I knew there was no spark there, and I wanted to send that message to him. He must have gotten the hint because I did not hear from him last week. Phew!

However, Britt did hear from Mr. Teacher. She was thrilled this past week when he called, and they set up a date for Thursday. He was even super sick, but he liked her so much he wanted to see her despite his sickness. They had a fantastic date, and she called me on her way home from the date to fill me in on all the details.

Friday after school, Britt came over for a bit to avoid rush hour traffic. She left my house right around 7, and as she was pulling out, Mr. Teacher asked her if she and I wanted to meet up with him and Mr. Engineer for an app and drinks. OF COURSE she did, so she quickly turned around to pick me up.

We met at a fun dive bar in Englewood. Mr. Engineer was happy to see me, and Mr. Teacher was happy to see Britt. :) We had a fabulous time at the bar, and they even paid for everything. Around 11, we went back to their place to play Rock Band, Mario Cart, Wii Bowling, and Foosball. We were at their house for hours, and again, they were perfect gentlemen. Mr. Teacher is adorable and funny, so I can totally see why Britt likes him. Britt is adorable and funny, so I can TOTALLY see why Mr. Teacher likes her.

Around 2 a.m., my old body couldn't handle the sleepiness. You can tell when I'm tired! Ask Kari. Hahaha. My hair becomes a screaming mess, I can't open my eyes, and my makeup is smeared all over my face. I'm quite the sight at 2 a.m. I knew from subtle hints that Mr. Engineer had taken a liking to me. He was very sweet all night long, so I was kind of dreading the goodbye part of the night.

He went in for a hug, which was fine. I hugged him back. He then caught me off guard by asking if he could call me. I'm kicking myself for not being prepared with a, "Look, you're really nice, but I think we should just be friends," (the dreaded two words: nice and friends). Instead I said, "Ummm, OK. Sounds good." I hugged him and quickly headed toward the door as he said, "A hug is all I get?" I pretended like I didn't hear him and shut the door behind me. Hahahaha.

Perhaps he got the hint yet again, or perhaps he'll call and ask me out. If he does call, I see myself having an awkward situation and breaking his heart. :(

In the meantime, Mr. Teacher has been very good about calling/texting Britt all weekend. I hope there's a lasting connection because I know the $12 ticket to Bitter Ball will have been her best purchase EVER :)

Even though I know love is not in the air for Mr. Engineer and me, I hope we remain friends. He really is a good guy, but I'm just not into him. I would, however, like to spend more time with him, Mr. Teacher and Britt.

Here's to love! Here's to friends! Here's to Bitter Ball, 2010!

To BE or Not to BE

I am getting ready to teach Romeo and Juliet to my freshmen. It's a wonderful love story, and I truly do love this unit.

Two households, both alike in dignity,

In fair Verona, where we lay our scene.

From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,

Where civil blood make civil hands unclean.

From forth the fatal loins of these two foes

A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;

Whose midadventur'd piteous overthrows

Doth with their death doth bury their parents' strife.

Anyone who went to a public school in the U.S. has read this play (if you haven't, go read it now). It's a story of love, but it's also a story of fate, as the Chorus states. The theme throughout the play is how fate brought Romeo and Juliet together. Fate killed Romeo and Juliet. Fate brought the family together with their death.

The word FATE has always struck a nerve with me.

Fate: Destiny; inevitable course of events.

What will be will be. Nothing we can do can stop it. No matter what decision we make, it will happen as it should.

I've always scoffed at the idea of fate. Even while teaching this unit, I have blatantly said to my students that I do not believe in fate. Plain and simple. Romeo and Juliet could have CHOSEN to not be together. They could have chosen life instead of death. They could have chosen to move on, suck it up and find someone else. Right?

Yes, all those things are true, and I still don't know if I fully believe in that awful word: FATE. However, I think I do believe in it, the more I think about it.

For me, it comes to this: I believe in a God who is guiding my life. He knows what my life looks like 5, 10, or even 50 years down the road. He knows who I am going to marry. He knows how many children I am going to have. He knows who my friends will be. He knows the colors of my wedding. He knows how I will die. He knows how long I will teach Romeo and Juliet. He knows my anger, my joy, my frustration, my thoughts. He knows everything about me, and I believe that no matter what I do or how badly I screw up, my life is still going to end up the way it is supposed to end up.

However, I also feel like I can alter my course a little bit. Is that where my disbelief in FATE stares me in the face? I can CHOOSE to sit in my home and never leave. If I did this, then I would never find someone to marry. I would, therefore, have no children if I don't meet a man. This would, of course, alter my career. It would alter my emotions. It would alter my friends. It would alter my blog (b/c I wouldn't have anything to blog about). If I did decide to stay in my house forever and never leave, wouldn't FATE still happen even if it was a different FATE than if I did leave my house?

The question I am struggling with is HOW MUCH DO I CONTROL MY FATE, MY DESTINY, MY LIFE? A lot or a little? As a person of faith, I am torn on that answer because in a way, God controls my life and my job is to follow him. If I choose not to follow him, then yes, my course will look different than it might otherwise, but that altered course still becomes my fate. If I walk hand in hand with God, then my course is inevitable and it will be what it will be, just as God planned. Either way, FATE happens.

I am tired of hearing people say, "If it's God plan it will happen. And if it's not meant to be, then it won't happen." How do they know that I can't play a role in making it happen if I want it to happen? Do I play a role in making it happen? There comes a time when I have to stop asking for advice from everyone under the sun and just do what I feel is right. I could ask 100 people for advice and get 100 different answers. And then what? I'm left more confused than before, and now I have to ask even more people to try to get some clarity. I could ask 100 people and get the same answer from 100 people, but until I make my own decision, those 100 different opinions only leave me restless, confused, and lacking clarity.

To go back to the dating analogy, I can sit on my sofa and never meet anyone. With that option, I do not get hurt. I am safe. No one can reject me. No one can call my ugly or boring or plain or rude or annoying. I can be me and like me! Or, I can go out and meet people. I can date. I can get hurt. I can put myself out there. I can be rejected. Yes, all those things can happen, but I can also control it a little bit. Rather than sit and wait and hope and stew and check my phone and check my email and wonder, I can make my voice heard. I can take a role in my FATE. I can be active in my FATE.

I don't want my FATE to alter just because I didn't do everything in my power to make it happen. Call it what you want: FATE, FAITH, FOOLISHNESS. I'm tired of just sitting here watching it go by without me.

Corinne Kennedy Louis

I'm a few months late, but Corinne turned one on December 30, so here are a few pictures from her special day. Her princess cake

Kye blew out the candle before Corinne even knew what was going on.

She's ready!

Yummo!

Her signature crinkle nose look.

Kye and Case made sure to help with the presents.

She did get to open at least one on her own.

Auntie Dido and Cori Lou.

Bitter Ball 2010

Britt and I went to The Bitter Ball this Valentine's Day weekend. As the title suggests, it's for all those bitter people who haven't found love yet. That would be us.

The Bitter Ball was sponsored by Alice 105.9 (Slacker and Steve). It has sold out every single year, so as soon as Britt saw that tickets were on sale, she bought them. I got an email that said, "TICKETS ARE ON SALE. I BOUGHT THEM. HOPE YOU DON'T MIND." I LOL'ed.

The Bitter Ball is 50 percent women, 50 percent men. They had games such as Spin the Bottle, Seven Seconds in Heaven, Speed Dating, Picture Booths, Love Texting, and a Giant Message Board (pictured below).

To clarify a few things: 1). We did not play spin the bottle. 2). We did not participate in Seven Seconds in Heaven. 3). No one left us a message on the Giant Message Board :( 4). Britt did send a text to the Love Texting screen (she had a crush on 185). 5). We only gave our phone numbers to two very normal guys.

Upon arrival, every single person got a number to wear for the night. If you saw a number you liked, you could do one of two things: 1). Write a message on a sticky note and leave it on the Giant Message Board (above). 2). Send a text and it would be displayed on the big screen TV. For example, Britt was 703 and I was 705. Britt sent a text that read, "185, I think you're adorable. Love, 703." This was displayed for everyone to see. Unfortunately, 185 was busy making drinks all night so he wasn't able to chat with 703, but he did confess to 705 (me) that he thought she was very beautiful.

At the end of the night, Britt and I met Michael and Todd. Again, they were very normal and we had a lot of fun with them. Britt and Michael totally hit it off. Todd took a liking to me. I wasn't interested. Michael took the initiative to ask for Britt's number, so as they exchanged, Todd asked for my number. We were saying our goodbye's, so Michael and Britt hugged. Todd looked at me. I looked at Todd. I gave Todd a HIGH FIVE. Yes, you read that correct. It was the first thing I could think to do.

Todd goes, "Did you really just HIGH FIVE me?" Michael saw it and said, "Did she just HIGH FIVE you?" I offered a hug to be nice, but I think Todd got the hint. Britt and I were still laughing about it today. Hahahaha. Poor Todd.

Anyway, we had a good time and we're planning on going again next year (if we're still single).

Britt looked sexy in her fabulous black top!

I also sported a black top.

A kiss to all single young men.

Grammer Misteaks

The essays I receive from my students are ALMOST this bad.

1.*cheese*
Maria likes me, but cheese ugly.

2*mushroom*
When all my family gets in the car, there isn't mushroom.

3*shoulder*
My friend didn't no how to make tacos, so i shoulder.

4*texas*
My friend always texas me fwds.

5*herpes*
Me and my friend shared a pizza; I got my piece and she got herpes.

6*july*
Ju told me ju were goin' to the store, and july to me!! Julyer!!

7*rectum*
I had two cars but my wife rectum.

8*chicken*
I was going to the store with my wife, but chicken go by herself.

9*wheelchair*
We only have one soda, but it's OK, wheelchair.

10*chicken wing*
My mom plays the lottery so chicken wing.

11*liver*
A bully was messing wit my sister and I told him to liver alone.

12*body wash*
I wanted to go to the bar but no body wash my kids.

13*budweiser*
That woman over there has a nice body, budwieser face so ugly?

Paying it Forward

Have you ever experienced a small act of kindness? Have you ever given a small act of kindness? I received an act today, and it reminded me of an act Shan and Jeff did for me a few short months ago. Shan and Jeff are two of the most generous people I know, and I will never be able to repay them for their kindness, openness, and generosity. My wonderful sister married a wonderful man. I hope I can only be so lucky.

The kind act today happened at school. I have become wonderful friends with the English department ladies. Linda, Lauren and Karen have taken me under their wings and have done a lot to help me out this year. They are fighting to help me keep my job, which means a lot to me. Every Friday after school, these ladies, along with Britt, Jessica, and I, meet at Chili's for FAC (Friday after Class). Almost without fail, these ladies end up paying the entire bill every Friday. They are very generous.

Linda decided it was time for Girls Night Out, so she planned a day to the theatre to see Girls Only. Linda has already seen it and said it's fabulous. I was invited, but I told the ladies I was going to have to decline because I just couldn't afford it. I am trying to be wise with my money, I've been working a lot both at Enterprise and at the school, and I've taken up coaching LAX so I can get my own place with Britt in the near future. I couldn't justify spending the money when I have other bills to pay.

Today, I was in the teacher lunch room eating by myself (I have to eat at 10:45 because of my schedule, and everyone else doesn't eat until 11). Karen walked in and patted me on the back and said, "Lady, we got your ticket for you. You're coming with us to the theatre. We are paying the tab." She gave me a giant hug, and I burst into tears. Karen even got a little teary eyed. She said, "Honey, I know how it is being a first year teacher. It's hard to make ends meet. We have been doing this for a while, so let us treat you." As the lunch room filled with other teachers, I had to do everything in my power to keep the tears from coming down my face.

What kind act has been done to you recently? How are you paying it forward? How will I pay it forward?

Third Time's a Charm?

The Shi-Low Down

I'm dating.

Whether you're married or single, you know the ups and downs that come along with dating. The day of the date can be so fun and exciting, and you feel like you're on top of the world. Then the next day can be low, low, low. You like him, so you want him to call. You sit there waiting and your emotions can sometimes get the best of you. You can wait all day and think he's not going to call. Then he calls and you're on top of the world again. The next day he doesn't call, so you're low, low, low. I really don't think guys understand how hard dating is for girls. They sometimes seem to forget that there's a person behind that text or email.

For guys, everything has to be in perfect order for them to date. If one thing is out of whack, they can't focus on another person. For girls, we know how to multi task and organize a little bit better. Our life may not be in perfect order, but we make time to fit someone else into our life.

The dating world has changed over the years, but that does not change the fact (for me, at least) that the guy is in control of the relationship. If he likes me, he will pursue me. If he doesn't like me, then I shouldn't be calling/texting him. He should make the first move. He should ask me out. He should ask me on a second date. He should let it be known that he likes me. As a woman, I'm going to sit back and let him pursue me. That is REALLY hard to do, especially if you like the guy.

I mentioned a few weeks ago that I went on a date. It was fantastic. The Swede and I met downtown, and we clicked the moment we met. From everything he said and did, he had similar thoughts as me: we were a good fit. We had a great time. We laughed. We flirted. We had a blast. We were together for almost 10 hours, and there wasn't a moment of awkwardness. He made it known that he liked me. We even saw each other the next day, and he reassured me that he liked me a lot and he was excited to see what would happen between us. I was on top of the world. For the first time in a very long time, I felt like this could go somewhere. We continued to talk that week after our date. We had another date set up for the following Friday. I talked to him Thursday to confirm our plans for the following evening, and he said everything was a go. Friday, he sent me an email and cancelled on me. He said he wasn't feeling well and needed to go home to rest. I never heard from him again after that.

WHAT?!?!? What in the world happened? I have no idea, and it still baffles me to this day. The Swede had a lot of the things I was looking for and we worked well together. Needless to say, I was highly disappointed (still am) that he never called. I don't know what happened, but I am sick and tired of guys taking the easy way out and just ignoring the girl. Whatever happened to a phone call that says, "I like you but I'm just not feeling it." Is that too much to ask? Don't ignore me. Don't stop calling me and think everything is OK. It's not!

I had another date this weekend with Surfer Dude. We met at a local Sushi place, and I could tell from the moment I met him that we didn't click like The Swede and I did. It's funny how you JUST know. I had already talked to Surfer Dude on the phone, so I knew that we could carry a conversation, but it was apparent from the first 15 minutes that there was no chemistry. Don't get me wrong, Surfer Dude was highly attractive. In fact, he's probably the best looking guy I've ever been on a date with. I call him Surfer Dude because he looks like a surfer dude. Blonde hair, blue eyes, spiky hair, tall, and HOT. The physical attraction was there (for me), but the chemistry was lacking.

For two hours, Surfer Dude talked, and talked, and talked ABOUT HIMSELF. I don't want to make him out to be a conceited guy because it wasn't like that. He wasn't bragging about how great he is or anything, but he wanted to share stories from his past about people I obviously don't know. He told me stories from Cancun, stories from college, stories from trips he's taken. He just went on and on and didn't really ask me a single question. We had communicated prior via email and text, and through technology, he was really great about asking questions. We felt like we had a good handle on each other going into the date. In person, though, it just wasn't there. I actually got bored. Admittedly, I was super tired from a looooong week, so that didn't help my energy level, but as the night went on, I could feel my eyes drooping.

Needless to say, he must have felt the lack of chemistry, too. I haven't heard from him since, and he didn't ask me out on another date. Had he asked, I would have taken him up for a second date, but I also am not disappointed that he didn't ask. Potentially I could see Surfer Dude as a friend, but that's all I see in our future and I'm OK with that.

It's only February and I have two strikes. Britt and I are going to the Bitter Ball on Friday (for singles only-50 percent women, 50 percent men), so I'm excited about that. A few friends and I have also talked about trying Speed Dating. I am doing everything in my power to find that special man.

Perhaps the third time's a charm?

Life's Small Pleasures

*Crawling into bed right after I've just put on fresh sheets.

*Getting a text message (from anyone). I love hearing my phone beep and knowing someone is thinking of me.

*Making plans with the girls. Whether it's dinner, a drink, Chili's, shopping, theatre, or going out, I have the best girlfriends ever.

*A clean bathroom.

*Doing all the laundry and having an empty laundry hamper.

*Finishing a good book.

*Tickling Case and hearing him laugh.

*Hearing Case say, "Dido."

*Payday.

*Having mom and dad visit for a weekend.

*Grading that very last essay and seeing your grade folder completely empty.

*Hearing Kye scream at the top of his lungs.

*Carson coming in for a giant hug.

*Corinne dressed oh so cute in her pink Uggs and matching outfit.

*Watching Shan's belly grow as my niece grows inside her.

*Listening to Britt rant and rave about her day while not taking a single breath. Makes me smile.

*Planning a date with a cute boy.

*Hearing a student say, "Have a great day, Ms. Nichols."

*Finishing a hard workout at the gym.

*Emailing Kari, Britt, Lindsey and Brandi on a daily basis.

*Seeing my friends happily married (and prego).

*Knowing a student was thinking of me when he found an M&M advertisement in a magazine and he took enough time to cut it out and bring it to me.

*Hearing other teachers talk about a horrible student they had, only to find out it's one of my favorite students who makes it a point to talk to me on a daily basis.

*Getting comments on my blog (hint, hint).

*Having Jeff ask me how my day was.