Comical Answers

My students recently read a poem called "Rover" that implied it was about a dog without directly stating it was a dog. However, the reader knows it's a dog based on the descriptive words. Students then had to answer the following question:

Prompt: In the poem, the author never actually says that the animal that came limping through the gate was a dog. Explain two clues that tell the reader that the animal was, in fact, a dog.

Answer: Rover is a common name for a dog and the relationship could not have been with a cat because cats are heartless, lazy creatures who just mooch their food off of you.

I'm guessing this student doesn't like cats?

Peanut Butter

Peanut Butter.

Hands down, this is my favorite food. You can make breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert with PB. If the word Peanut Butter is mentioned, my mouth starts to water. It's perfect on bread, with jelly, on its own, melted with chocolate, on a bagel, mixed with chicken, you get the idea.

So. Perfectly. Good.

(I personally think that anyone who doesn't like PB is a complete nut (haha) and is a bit crazy in the head. I just can't even fathom why someone wouldn't like PB).

I've recently become obsessed with Pinterest and the recipe section. I spend hours looking at recipes and Pinning. As I was looking through my Recipe Board, I realized that nearly every recipe I have Pinned has peanut butter in it.

Here are three of my favorite desserts I've made recently:

No-Bake Energy Bites 

1 cup (dry) oatmeal 
1/2 cup chocolate chips (I used mini chips)
1/2 cup peanut butter 
1/2 cup ground flaxseed (I didn't have this, so I skipped it and it was fine)
1/3 cup honey 
1 tsp. vanilla

Mix together and form into balls. 

These are so, so yummy. For you WW peeps, they are four Points Plus per ball and totally worth every point. Such a great snack. 

_____________________

• Peanut Butter Truffles
  
  
  • 1 (12-oz.) package semisweet chocolate morsels
  • 1/2 cup whipping cream
  • 3 tablespoons creamy peanut butter 
  • 3/4 cup finely chopped, lightly salted roasted peanuts 
  • Wax paper
  • 
    
  • Preparation
  • 1. Microwave first 3 ingredients in a medium-size microwave-safe bowl at HIGH 1 to 1 1/2 minutes or until melted and smooth, stirring at 30-second intervals. Let cool 10 minutes.
  1. 2. Beat chocolate mixture at medium speed with an electric mixer 1 to 2 minutes or until whipped and smooth. Cover and chill 2 hours or until firm.
  1. 3. Shape chocolate mixture into 1-inch balls, using a small ice-cream scoop. Roll in chopped peanuts. (If chocolate mixture becomes too soft to shape, refrigerate until firm.) Place on wax paper-lined baking sheets. Chill 1 hour before serving. Store truffles in an airtight container in refrigerator up to 5 days.
  2. 
  3. These are melt in your mouth heaven. I did not figure out the Points Plus because frankly, I didn't want to know the damage I was doing. I've only eaten one, and the rest are in the freezer for when I need a dessert. 
  4. _________________________________
  5. Peanut Butter Chocolate Bars
  6. 1 (18.25) package plain yellow cake mix
  7. 1/2 cup butter, melted
  8. 1 cup creamy peanut butter
  9. 2 eggs
  10. 1 (12 oz) package semi-sweet chocolate chips
  11. 1 (14 ounce) can sweetened condensed milk
  12. 2 Tablespoons butter
  13. 2 teaspoons vanilla

Directions:
1) Preheat oven to 325 degrees.
2) Combine cake mix, melted butter, peanut butter, and eggs in a large bowl using a mixer or spoon. Press this into a 9X13 pan reserving 1 1/2 cup of the mixture to crumble on top.

3) In a small pot, melt chocolate chips, sweetened condensed milk, and butter. Remove from heat and stir in the vanilla and coconut.
4) Spread chocolate mixture over the mixture pressed in the pan and then crumble the 1 1/2 cups of reserved cake mixture on top evenly.
5) Bake for 20-25 minutes. Cool completely before cutting into bars.

These are 9 Points Plus per bar, but they are one of the best things I have ever eaten in my life. 

No-Namer

Students turn in papers without a name all the time.

Recently, I had a worksheet without a name, so I said to the class, "Here's a no-namer. It's obviously a boy's handwriting, so if it's yours, put your name on it and turn it back in so you can get a grade."

I passed the paper around the room. When every single student had viewed it, the last student returned it back to me.

"No one is going to claim this paper? Boys, did you all look at this? Okay, someone has a 0 in the gradebook."

A few hours passed, and then one of my students showed up during my off hour. She was embarrassed as she said to me, "That paper that you passed around? Well, it's mine. I didn't want to claim it because you said it was a boy's handwriting. I know I have awful handwriting, but I was too embarrassed to claim it. But I'm back now to write my name on it so I can get a grade for it."

Oh man, did I feel bad!

No Grinding

I grind my teeth. It's bad, too. Sometimes I wake myself up from the sound, and it's pretty nasty. I was sleeping on Josh's futon last night, and I was awakened by Josh yelling at me from across the room.

"Shiloh, you're grinding your teeth. Stop it."

Not that I have any control of it, but I rolled over and hoped that solved the problem.

When I wake up in the mornings, I can tell I've been doing it because my teeth and jaw hurt.

My dentist tells me I need to stop, but again I pose the question, "How?" I'm doing it in my sleep. It's just like snoring: it just happens. My dentist says it's because of stress and that I need to find ways of controlling my stress to avoid the teeth grinding. I also bite my cheeks (in my sleep), and she says I need to stop doing that, too.

The bigger problem is I am ruining my teeth. My teeth are perfectly flat because I have grinded them away, and I have cracked teeth all over in my mouth. Between the months of July and January, I had to see the dentist seven times! It cost me around $800 to get two crowns on my teeth because I had cracked them so much that a new filling just wasn't going to cut it.

No offense to my dentist because she's fabulous, but seeing the dentist seven times in six months is not my idea of fun. And man oh man was I in some pain during those months. I almost had to get a root canal, but my avoiding calling the surgeon saved me on that one!

In the middle of those visits, I had another tooth (that wasn't even a part of two "problem" teeth) that started to bother me. It aches every once in a while, and I started to dread my next visit to the dentist, which was just a regular cleaning. I knew I had another problem on my hands (or in this case, in my mouth), and I did NOT want to spend more money or have to go to the dentist again to get this new tooth fixed.

Sure enough, the dentist (without me even telling her I had an ache in that certain tooth) located my tooth that had been bothering me and said I had a crack in it (from grinding). She asked me if it had been bothering me.

I did what anyone else would have done in that situation....I lied. "Nope, hasn't bothered me at all."

She didn't seem too concerned about it, so I'm not either. :)

A Special Valentine

I got a special Valentine's Day card....

From a student. He did it just because, and he made it in his Spanish class. This is what it said:

Para alguien que es...
Bonita,
Simpatico,
Considerada,
Generosa,
Sincera

Quierida Ms. Nichols,
Gracias por tus comprehensivo actidud. Tu clase es muy interesante y bueno. Yo voy a tu por que tengo un problems. Tu ayudame en mi tiempo de high school. Yo espero que fortunado en tu vive.

Sincero,
Ben

Here's what I think it says:

You are someone who is...
Pretty,
Sympathetic,
Considerate,
Generous,
Sincere,

Dear Ms. Nichols,
Thank you for the comprehensive lessons. Your class is very interesting and good. You are someone who helps me with my problems. You help me just in time with my high school. I am fortunate to have you in my life.

Sincerely,
Ben

Any Spanish speakers out there? Am I close? It's been years since I took Spanish in high school.....

Missed Birthday

My phone so kindly reminded me yesterday that it was Richard's birthday. My phone is great like that. I input the birthday, and it reminds me every year thereafter. Now I can't forget anyone's birthday!

At my first opportunity, I sent an email to my friend, Rich.

"Happy birthday, friend! I hope it's a wonderful day for you and that your woman spoils you greatly! What are the big plans for the day?"

To which he replied: "Thank you for the early birthday wishes.  While my birthday is not until April 3rd, I am sure she will spoil me."

Okay, so I obviously got this one wrong. Rich and I laughed (or I at least assumed he was laughing from behind his computer screen), and I racked my brain as to why I had registered February 12 as his birthday. 

Either I know another Richard or I accidentally had the wrong date for Rich. 

It nagged at me all day long, too. I was forgetting something. Or someone in this case, but I couldn't quite place my finger on it. 

As is our routine, Josh called at 9 p.m. for our nightly talk. Around 9:30, I told Josh this hilarious story of me emailing Rich a happy birthday wish and Rich's reply of it not being his birthday. I said to Josh, "I just can't help but think that I know another Richard and I missed his birthday today."

There was a pause as I thought through my long list of family and friends, and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Josh's dad's name is Richard. Josh's dad's birthday was February 12. Josh and I both missed his birthday (Josh depends on me to help him with important dates). 

"Quick, call your dad right now." We both looked at the time and decided it was too late to call, so Josh made the call first thing this morning. 

So, Happy Birthday Richard (not my friend, Rich, but my boyfriend's dad, Richard). I thought of SOME Richard all day. I hope that counts!

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

I am woman, hear me roar.

I can do anything by myself.

I am strong.

I am independent.

I don't need a man for anything.

Except for when my fire alarm is going off, my apartment is filled with smoke, flames are crawling up the wall of my fireplace, and I am coughing up a lung because I can't breath.

Or when I need a better deal on my Comcast bill.

Then I call my boyfriend. But only in those two instances.

Perhaps I should have called 911?

Well, I didn't because I knew Josh would save the day!

And while he didn't technically do anything (because he's 75 miles away and there's not much he can do over the phone), he did help calm me down and walk me through what to do.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Step one: Open all the windows.
Might I add that it's 27 degrees outside, so opening all my doors and windows basically negates the entire reason why I had a fire going in the first place.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Step two: Tear the fire alarm from the ceiling.
Through this step, I was so frantic that I nearly knocked the frogs off the computer desk (which would have been a whole other issue), but they silently dangled on the ledge as I carefully tried to avoid hitting them furthur. They are okay!

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Step three: Rip the battery out of the alarm.
Nope, no battery.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Well, try pulling the cords out of the wall.
I pulled with my whole heart, soul, mind, and strength. Those suckers were not coming out of the alarm.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Steps four, five, and six: Cover the speaker as best you can to mute some of the sound (poor neighbors), wave a towel as fast as you can in front of the alarm, and continue to try to pull the cords out of the ceiling.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Step seven: Turn on the ceiling fan.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Step eight: Keep an eye on the flames to make sure the pictures on my fireplace aren't starting on fire.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Step nine: Try turning your breaker off. Perhaps the alarm runs on electricity, which is why there isn't a battery.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Step ten: Find the breaker box.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

How long has the alarm been going off?
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
Seven minutes, at least.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
Try to cover it with a towel.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
My arms are so tired. I have been holding my arms up for seven minutes.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
Do you have duct tape? You can cover the sound with tape.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
I need to call you back. My arms are so tired. My place is filled with smoke. I can barely see.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Cough. Cough. Cough.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

No, don't hang up. Try turning the breaker switch.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
Which switch?
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
Read the labels. What do they say?

Silence.

Wait, it stopped!
You need to go outside and breathe fresh air.

Thanks, dear, I'll call you later (when I'm not in panic mode).

I hung out on the balcony for a while breathing in the fresh, cold air.

Perhaps my apartment manager won't notice the dangling fire alarm from the ceiling and the black flames that licked up my fireplace, leaving a trail of black.

Now, back to my boring night of essay grading.

Breaking and Entering

I arrived home today and quickly ran to my bedroom. I was on a mission to make it to the gym, and I knew that if I didn't change immediately and head out, then I would probably sit down and never get back up.

I took off my work clothes and scanned my room for my gym bag. Realizing it was in the living room, I quickly ran into the other room (yes, naked). I grabbed my bag and turned around to find my sliding glass door wide open and the curtain blowing in the wind.

My heart started pounding.

Someone was in my apartment.

Someone had broken in through my balcony, and perhaps he was still in my apartment. And here I was standing naked while he watched me through the closet.

First things first: get dressed.

Check. Now that I was dressed, I felt a bit braver, although my hands were shaking and my heart was pumping.

I grabbed my attack stick. I checked the laundry closet. No man.

I checked the coat closet. No man.

I checked my closet in my room. No man. I checked on the other side of my bed. No man.

Finally, I checked the shower. No man.

My apartment was clear.

I scanned the room and found nothing missing.

I must have, for some ungodly reason, kept the door open at some point. I keep my apartment cold (my heat is set to 58 degrees), so I just figured I didn't notice the cold when I left for work.

I went on my workout, and upon coming back, I decided to start a fire.

My fireplace was completely cleaned out. Which is weird because I had a fire going last night, and I did NOT clean the fireplace out before going to bed. It was full of ash, and there was even half a log still in there smoldering when I went to bed.

Now I knew someone HAD been in my apartment. And they had cleaned out my fireplace! They must have opened the door to prevent all the dust from flying around.

How nice.

Around that same time, I received an email from my apartment complex saying they had entered my apartment to clean out my chimney.

Mystery solved, but boy did it make me think that some nice person had broken in to clean my place!