I've never fully understood the concept of getting a divorce after being married for 15 or 20 years. It used to blow my mind that a couple could be married for so long and then just call it quits. It made more sense for the newly married to give up. As I grow older, though, I realize now more than ever that we are constantly changing, and unfortunately, if your spouse isn't changing and growing with you, then it is very easy for two people to drift further and further apart.
As I think of myself, I know for certain that I have changed a lot in the last year. Sometimes I don't recognize the person I was a year ago, but at the same time, I'm not so totally different that people wouldn't know who I am. We are changing all the time, and as we develop and grow relationships, we hope that our friends, family, and lovers are growing and changing along with us.
With that being said, my favorite radio station had a very intriguing topic today that has been on my mind all afternoon. A listener wrote in with the following problem: He and his fiance are madly in love. Everything was going great until...his fiance found God and has completely changed her life to follow Christ. She decided that they should remain celibate until their wedding...which isn't until June, 2010. Before she found God, they were having relations several times a week and this man was wondering if she had a right to change this "habit" they've formed together just because she found religion. He said he's madly in love with her still, but he doesn't know if he's willing to not sleep with her for over a year.
The thing on my mind isn't whether he should or should not break up with her, although I would love to hear your feedback on the subject. The thing that has me thinking is what happens when two people find love, get married, are happily married and then years down the road one of them has a major change that alters their relationship? What if the man I marry tells me he wants to have kids, but after several years of marriage, he changes his mind and decides he doesn't want children? Or what if we both find a wonderful church we both love, but someone from the church hurt me terribly and I decide I want nothing to do with God?
Those things, among many other huge changes, can greatly affect a marriage. What do you do when someone in the relationship so drastically changes that he/she isn't the same person you married? These questions haunt me at times, but it is then that I give my relationships to Christ and let Him lead the way. I most definitely cannot see my future, nor do I know who I'm going to marry, but Christ does.
So back to the problem at hand from the radio station, I don't know what this man is going to do. Will he break up with his woman because she won't have relations with him? If he does, he's very shallow. But at the same time, maybe they aren't meant to be together. Maybe this girl found God and will also realize that God has a better relationship in store for her. I'm a romantic at heart, and I believe God's will is at work in this relationship. I also believe that God is leading me in the direction to find my one true love, too.
1 comment:
I have been married for 12 years and we have been together for 15. I have to say we are not the same people we were when we got married. I have changed so much and the fact that he still loves me despite all the changes is what makes it work. Often Chris supports changes I have made and encourages them. I think being willing to allow that other person to change and to realize that it WILL happen is a big part of making marriage work.
Post a Comment