A Text In The Night

Something you may not know about me is I like to hide. No, I'm not talking about Hide N' Go Seek, and you won't find me hiding under my bed.

You see, when the going gets tough, I avoid, I run, I pretend, I hide. I don't confront, I don't speak my mind, I don't embrace the situation with open arms.

For example, if there's a piece of mail that looks intimidating, I don't open it. I set it on my desk and let it stare at me for a week at a time.

If there's a bill that comes along, I lay it on my pile until the last possible moment when I must pay it.

If I get an email that isn't very nice, I just erase it and carry on with my day.

If I get a call from an unknown number, I hit IGNORE on my phone and pretend like my phone did not just ring.

If I get my monthly bank statement, I place the receipt in my "To File" pile without opening it up to see the balance.

On payday, I refuse to look at my pay stub because I don't want to see how little I really make.

If there's an uncomfortable conversation that needs to take place, I just ignore the situation and go for a drive instead.

If I have a bad day at work, I stop at the mall as a way to calm myself down.

If something happens to me that I don't want people to know about, I just opt not to share the news.

If I get a text that makes me sick to my stomach, I grab a bowl of ice cream and scarf it down while staring at my phone, wondering if I really just read what I thought I read.

I'm not saying these things are ideal. Most of the time, I end up with a giant headache, a tender mouth from grinding my teeth, a pit in my stomach, and an extra pound or two from the ice cream.

This morning I woke with a giant headache, a tender mouth from grinding my teeth, a pit in my stomach, and an extra pound or two from the ice cream.

Huh, wonder what happened last night? I didn't get a bank statement, I didn't get a bill, I didn't have a bad day at work, I didn't get a call from an unknown number.

You want to know what happened last night? I received a text that made me start shaking, a pit developed in the very depth of my stomach, and my heart start pounding so badly I thought I was going to have a heart attack.

ROB texted! I never thought I would hear from him again, and then out of the blue I receive a text that says, "I think we should rekindle our friendship."

WHAT?!?!?!?!? SERIOUSLY!?!?!?!?!?!? IS THIS A JOKE?!?!?!?!?!?!?! ARE CAMERAS POINTED ON ME?!?!?!?!?! DOES HE HAVE ANY CLUE WHAT HE JUST DID TO ME?!?!?!?!?!

I sat there staring at my phone for about 10 minutes thinking I was going to throw up, and then I kind of got the giggles. I'm not sure if you remember, but this same thing happened with Allen. He called me after three months of not talking and wanted a second chance. I gave him a second chance, and he screwed up again. About three months after that, he wanted a third chance. I told him to leave me alone the third time. He put up a little fight, and then I haven't heard from him since. And now Rob is wanting a second chance?

Who do these guys think I am? The giver of second chances? I mean, don't get me wrong. I fully believe in second chances. We all screw up. We all need to try again sometimes. But do I think Rob has changed in three weeks? Do I think he's still going to treat me like crap? Do I think he's ready for a relationship? Have I learned nothing from my situation with Beau? Am I willing to go back to a guy who only wanted a portion of me?

I know the answers to those questions. That still doesn't make my decision easy. My friend Lindsey and my Aunt Lisa told me to go back and re-read my post from Week One of my Social Experiment. I did that just now, and it was a good reminder:

1. There are a ton of fabulous men out in this world, and when you catch the attention of one, he'll let you know he's interested.
2. Never settle for someone. Be with a guy who wants to be with you.
3. Walking away is really hard but it will only allow me to become a stronger person and make room for someone who actually wants to be a part of my life without all the excuses.

So NO, I have not texted Rob back. I really don't think that I will. Let my silence be my answer.