Torture 101

I just experienced the most dreadful, boring, KILL ME NOW conversation I have ever had to live through. It was all through IM (Instant Message) with a guy I do not know. I was actually a little bit rude to him because I wanted to kill myself. Here's how it went (I thought you would get a kick out of what it's like to try to date someone via online).

Him: Hi
Me: Hey, how are you? What are you up to this lovely Sunday evening?
Him: Nothing.
Me waiting for something more. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Nothing.
Me: All right. Well, I'm watching football, doing some work, and reading. Multi-tasking at work.
Him: What do you do?
Me: I'm a teacher. English. High School. My students don't always like me because I make them read and write. How dare I! What about you?
Him: Electrician.
Him: ?
Me: I'm not sure what your ? is referring to?
Him: You.
Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
Him: How dare you what?
Me: Oh, got it. How dare I make them read and write.
Him: You're very rude.
Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
Him: What's your name?
Me: Shiloh. What about you?
Him: Craig.
Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
Me: So, Craig. Are you a CO native?
Him: No, no.
Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
Him (finally): A USA native. I moved around my entire life.
Me: Military?
Him: Military brat.
Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
Me: There seems to be a lot of you around here in CO.
Him: We are just awesome.
Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
Me: I don't know much about the military. Other than my grandpa, I don't know anyone who was/is in the military.
Him: All the men on my dad's side are military.
Me: But not you?
Him: I am smarter then them. (Notice how he put "then" rather than "than")
Me: Oh, I see!
Him: Haha.

At this point, I've over it, so I stop talking to him. About 5 minutes later:
Him: Are you busy?
Me: Just doing some work.
Him: I don't want to bother you.
Me: Did you do any crazy shopping this weekend?
Him: I don't shop.
Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
Me: I do! I love to shop. Won't you have to go Christmas shopping?
Him: Nope.
Long pause.
Him: I give money.
Me: Mr. Creative!
Him: Hahaha.
Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
Me: Do you have any siblings?
Him: A half brother that I don't care for.
Me: Does he care for you?
Him: He has been trying to kiss my butt for the past several months.
Me: Why?
Him: He has been an ass to me and my mom for 26 years.
Me: Perhaps he has changed? Of course, I know nothing of your situation, but people do chance.
Him: I don't care if he did.
REALLY long pause. I'm trying to figure out how to end this.
Me: What else is interesting about you?
Him: Ask.
Me: Well, I really need to get going, but here are three questions: What's your favorite color? What's your favorite food? What's the biggest adventure you've even been on?
Him: Black, wings, everyday.
Him: Can I get your phone number?

Where is the world did he get the idea that this conversation was going well? Why would I give him my number?

Me: You are a man of few words.
Him: I am tired of the laptop on my lap. I speak softly but carry a big stick.
Me: All right. Well. I am going to pass on giving you my number. I need to take off for now. That will allow you to get the laptop off your lap since it's causing you so much distress.
Him: Night.
Me: LOG OFF

Was that as painful for you as it was for me? I turned off my IM feature and vow to never go through that again.