Hairy Chips

Josh and I attended a co-ed baby shower last weekend for one of his family members. The food served was a buffet of catered BBQ: pork, brisket, and chicken. Beans, macaroni salad, potato salad, and cole slaw. Bread, chips, and dips. My mouth was watering as Josh and I headed to the line.

Right as it was my turn to grab a plate, a girl of about 6 years old leaped in front of me. "I"m really hungry; do you care if I go in front of you?" Of course, go right ahead.

At that same moment, an older boy of about 13 came over to the girl carrying a medium sized, very hairy dog. (He was carrying the dog like a baby, cradled in his arms). The girl reached out and petted, patted, and mauled the dog. I was disgusted.

The girl then started to reach for a plate, but I could see the dog hair all over her hands. Time for me to step in, especially since she was right in front of me.

"Hey, sweetie, you have dog hair all over your hands. Why don't you try to brush that all away before touching anything."

To her credit, she did try. She clapped her hands together and then ran her hands down her wet swimming suit.

She then grabbed a plate and handed it to me. "Here, I got a plate for you."

I inspected the plate for the hair. It seemed clear.

"Here, I got a fork and spoon for you, too." Inspection passed again.

She continued to talk. "I think I'm only going to have chips today. I'm really hungry, and the chips look really good. Are you going to have any chips?"

"Yes, sweetie, I'm sure I'll have some chips. Make sure to only touch the chips you are going to take." In my mind, I pictured her taking her thumb and pointer finger and delicately picking up a few chips, leaving the rest untouched.

"OK," she said as she reached her entire palm into the bucket of chips, touching EVERY. SINGLE. CHIP. in the bowl. All I could think about was the hair on her hands.

She then proceeded to dig her hands into every single chip bowl (five in all). She took a small amount of each chip selection, adding dips to her plate as she moved along.

I decided I could do without chips and gave myself a giant helping of pork.