A Ring in my Underwear

Today is my sister's 3rd Wedding Anniversary. Shannon and Jeff have a really cool story. They have known each other for years and years and years. Back when Shannon was in high school, she fell in love with Jeff. In typical boy fashion, Jeff freaked out and ran the opposite direction. That is until four years ago when he finally admitted he had loved Shannon all along but was too scared to admit it. They dated for six months and were married three months after he proposed. They are very happy together and have an adorable little baby, Case.

Their wedding, however, did not go without a hitch (thanks to me). I think trouble seems to follow me, at least at weddings. There's a story behind my brother's wedding, as well, but I'll save that for next month when they celebrate their anniversary.

Go back with me three years from today. It's wedding day. I'm the Maid of Honor. I've been in my share of weddings at this point, but I've never been the Maid of Honor, so I'm pretty proud to be the top bridesmaid. Early in the day, Shannon gives me Jeff's ring.

"Guard this with your life," she says. "You're in charge of keeping the ring safe and signing the marriage license. Those are your two tasks for the day."

"No prob, big sis," I reply. "You can count on me." I put the ring on my thumb, and while it is a tad too big, I don't think it will slip off. I will just make sure to be extra careful so I don't lose it.

The morning is a bustle of excitement. The girls are getting ready, the guys are chatting. Pictures are being taken. The pastor is giving instructions. My friend, Mike, is video recording the entire event. Mom is stressing. The soon to be mother-in-law is pacing the floor. It's finally time to take group photos, so we all head to the sanctuary. We spend several hours taking pictures, and now it's 20 minutes from the ceremony. The ladies head back to the "getting ready" room to freshen up, go the bathroom and grab a bite to eat.

As we walk in to the room, I show Shannon my thumb and say, "You have nothing to worry about. The ring is still on my finger."

She replies, "Good, keep it there."

With five minutes left until we go on stage, Shannon decides she better go to the bathroom. Because her dress is so big, Becca and I help her pull it up and sit on the toilet. We turn our heads so she can pee in "peace." Once Shan is done, I decide I better go, too. I shut the door, pull up my dress, pull down my underwear and sit down to pee. As I'm going, I look at my hand and begin to have a panic attack. THE RING IS GONE!

My first thought is, "How can I avoid telling Shannon?" My second thought is, "The ring must be in the toilet." So I hurriedly finish the job, pull up my undies and run out of the bathroom. I'm thinking, "Whatever I do, don't tell Shannon." When I come out of the bathroom, guess who is standing there? You guessed it, Shannon!

"Um, you forgot the flush the toilet and wash your hands," Shannon points out.

"Shannon, don't freak out, but the ring is gone."

"Ha, ha. Funny joke, Shiloh."

"Shannon, I wish it was a joke, but I'm totally telling the truth. The ring is gone."

Picture the bride bursting into tears at this moment.
Picture the pastor coming in to the room to tell us it's time to go on.
Picture the pastor saying, "Don't tell Jeff what is going on. He's better off not knowing."
Picture my grandmother immediately begin pacing and praying, "Dear Lord, you know where the ring is. Help us find it. Dear Lord, give us eyes to find the ring."
Picture my mother on her hands and knees searching the floor for the ring.
Picture Becca going in to the bathroom to search the toilet for the ring. No luck in there, so she comes out to console Shannon.
Picture Becca standing with a Kleenex in her hand wiping tears off Shannon's face.
Picture bridesmaids throwing things from the floor as they search for the ring.
Picture aunts opening drawers that have never been opened hoping somehow the ring was in there.
Picture Mike walking in to the room with his video recorder. Not knowing what is going on, he zooms into my face and says, "Here's the Maid of Honor. Shiloh, do you have any last words for your sister?"
Picture me yelling at Mike, "NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO HAVE THAT THING POINTED AT MY FACE."
Picture me apologizing to Shannon over and over. "I'm so sorry, Shannon. I'll buy you a new ring."
Picture Shannon yelling back, "Well 'sorry' doesn't find the ring, does it?"
Picture my mom telling the pastor to stall. "We can't go on stage yet. We have to find the ring."
Picture Katie going to find my brother so we can use his ring as a substitute ring for the ceremony.
Picture absolute chaos.

And then walks in Aunt Jan. "Everyone just calm down!"

The room becomes silent. Everyone stops, stands up from the floor and stares at Aunt Jan.

"Shiloh, when did you last see the ring?" Jan asks.

"I had it on my finger less than five minutes ago. I helped Shannon go the bathroom, then I went to the bathroom."

Duh, it must be in Shannon's dress. Let's search that. So Shannon stands still as a dozen hands go up her dress searching the tool and material for the lost ring.

Bummer, no such luck.

I ask Shan, "How much was the ring?"

Jan says, "Shi, we're going to find the ring. Don't ask such questions. Have you searched your body, yet?"

"Searched MY body? Why would it be on me?"

"Let's just make sure it's not on you somewhere."

Jan, like a professional cop, begins to pat me down. She starts at my bra and works her way down until, wait, what is this lump in your undies?

Could it be true?

Oh dear Lord, the ring is in my underwear! THANK GOD!

I pull up my dress, and sure enough, the ring is in my underwear. It had slipped off when I had gone the bathroom.

Phew, now we can carry on with the day. We line up. Shannon wipes away her tears, freshens up her makeup and we all take a deep breath. Everything is going to be ok. Jeff is standing up at the front of the church waiting for us to come down the aisle. He still has no idea what has taken place, and he's beginning to wonder why it's taking so long.

The ceremony goes without a problem. The bridal party leaves the sanctuary. I'm standing outside, reliving the terrible memory of when I lost Jeff's ring. Jeff walks up to me.

"I heard a very strange rumor. I heard that MY ring was in YOUR underwear. Is that true?"

Talk about awkward!